The Day I Licked the Cow
by Keath Panaskwaski
Summary: Okay, so this doesn't have anything to do with Harry Potter...but its funny. Well...just read, the title is pretty self explanatory. Enjoy! This is for your laughing pleasure.
1. Steve tries to befriend a mad cow

The Day I Licked the cow.*wack*  
  
The fair was always an interesting place to go.especially if you're bored. One day I was walking with my friend through the fair and decided to see the animals. After running into Elvis and saying hi, we continued on. We pet the goats and monkeys, fed the members of NSYNC and then saw our friends Jay and Silent Bob. They were testing new coke on a poor old lady, who happened at the time to be eating the goats food and clucking like a chicken. It was quite funny actually. We said goodbye and continued on to where the cows were. We were petting all of them and having great conversations. Then we saw the most delicious cow in the world.and I was hungry, Elvis ate my cotton candy. So I decided to lick the cow, see what fresh meat tasted like. I did so.kind of like a greeting, spit out the hairball, and had a great conversation. His name is Henry and he was born in southern Mexico. He was acting a little.I guess I could say.mad. So I said goodbye after he kicked the guy from Blues Clues who was standing behind me.and continued on.  
  
The next day after the fair, I went to school and carrying on with my normal daily activities. I was sitting in math class when all of sudden I had a urge to smack my head against my desk. I did so and got strange looks from the whole class. My friend who was sitting next to me (she also licked the cow) was drooling profusely, and eating her algebra book. She then went to the board and started slamming her head violently against it, we were sent up to the office. We were sent home and throughout the night we kept slamming our heads against random things, also, instead of eating meatloaf like the rest of my family, I had a great pile of grass.  
  
The next week my parents brought me to every psychiatrist in the state, and I killed 10 of them from random head wackings. Since I was a minor and mentally ill, they sent me and my friend (who murdered only 5, but ate three of them) to the Psychiatric hospital for disturbed teens. In the years to come, they came to find that we each had a serious case of Mad Cow Disease. We both lived in the hospital for the next 10 years until we were tamed and learned how to control our head whacking. We are not living on our own and started an association, MCDA, Mad Cow Disease Anonymous. We both are now famous rock stars belonging to the group the Donnas.  
  
I tell this story to remind everyone out there that they should never lick a cow. You never no what might happen. 


	2. Warped Tour Gone Mad

Authors Note: Well, My friend and I are great fans of Good Charlotte. We decided to add a Part II to the "The Day I Licked the Cow" series. This involves going to a concert and basically making fools of ourselves. This story takes place right after we get out of the mental hospital, before we joined the Donnas. I hope you enjoy!  
  
Warped Tour Gone Mad  
  
*Wack* "Heather, you need to control that remember?" said Kristen.  
  
"I know.its just when I get nervous," *wack* "I mean, we have always wanted to meet the boys of Good Charlotte, before we licked the cow."  
  
"Yeah, just, don't let it get out of hand, we have to remain calm and not scare them away," *wack* "Oops, see, look what you made me do!"  
  
They got themselves on the bus to Boston, and headed to the Warped Tour Concert. They traveled 4 hours and by 5:00 p.m. they had arrived in Boston. They were going to stay overnight in a barn and get up bright and early so they could get in line. Now, even though that they attended the Psychiatric hospital for disturbed teens, they weren't fully tamed. If by any chance they got too excited, nervous, or scared, their cow instincts would come out. And, well, you know what might happen. So, after they got off the bus they went to find the nearest barn they could find, they didn't fell comfortable staying in a hotel. They spent the night, and headed off to the concert.  
  
"Oh my god! I'm sooooo excited.I don't know if I will be able to control it," *wack* said Kristen. "I know me neither," said heather while drooling profusely. She always seemed to have that problem. "I just hope no one gets us riled up, who knows what might happen." They stepped outside and had some grass, then headed on to the concert.  
  
While waiting in line they noticed a sign that read "First 150 people get to meet the bands." This of course did not help out their situation. They started to get anxious when the noticed that there was a lot more then 150 people in front of them. This is when things started to get out of control. Each person that was in front of them got a severe head whacking from the two girls. They continued until they were in front of the crowd. The security guards tried to capture the two mad girls but met their foreheads instead. The girls quickly looked behind them seeing around 250 people shaking tremendously on the ground, they looked at each other, then ran into the stadium.  
  
"Phew, at least we made it in," stated Heather.  
  
"Yes! This means we get to meet.Wait, there they are! Oh my, do I look alright!"  
  
"Of course!" said Heather, ignoring the drooling and twitching.  
  
The girls walked up to meet the boys of Good Charlotte. Heather, who happened to be infatuated with Benji, saw him and attempted to start a conversation.  
  
"Hi Ben..MOO." screamed Heather randomly.  
  
"Come again, did you just moo?" asked the band member oddly. "Oh, what I meant was..MOO." *twitch twitch* "Umm.yes, get security," Benji whispered to another band member, Paul.  
  
Suddenly a female fan walked up to Benji asking for a picture, which Heather didn't take well. She jumped on the girl and hit her in the head repeatedly until the girl was no longer moving. She finished her job by drooling on the girls face (some sign of disrespect) and turned her attention back to benji. Who happened to be holding a 22 and a rope. "Whats that for.MOO," said Heather. "For you, you freaking crazy psycho," said Benji seriously "You belong in the Psychiatric hospital for disturbed teens." "But I just left there!" said Heather randomly while twitching. "Well that explains it." but suddenly a mooing in the distance distracted Benji. Another girl was going crazy just like he had witnessed. This girl was repeatedly smacking her head on the amp and mooing loudly. She then caught sight of Joel and another fan talking. She quickly got on all fours and ran over to where they were turning around, and kicking the girl into the wall. (Similar to what the cow did to the guy from Blues Clues.) She ran over to Joel and began licking his head until Benji came over and attacked Kristen. Soon, guards took control over the two girls, and began dragging the girls with the rope out of the backstage area.  
  
"What got into you, you crazy twisted head licking lunatic!" screamed Joel as the girls were being dragged away.  
  
"ELVIS ATE MY COTTON CANDY, ELVIS ATE MY COTTON CANDY!" screamed Kristen.  
  
"What freaks, it was like they licked a cow!" said Benji.  
  
The guards tied up the girls on a post outside and waited for the people from the Psychiatric Hospital for Disturbed Teens to arrive. When suddenly Elvis walked by and the girls and they began trying to break from the post. They wanted to get Elvis back, Kristen looked over and saw a pair of Hannaford cheap scissors and cut away the rope. They ran towards him when suddenly the pink power ranger dropped from the sky and got between the girls and Elvis.  
  
"Move! You don't want to get hurt!" screamed Heather.  
  
"No one gets past the pink power ranger!" said a deep voice.  
  
The girls looked at eachother confused.and then saw the guards coming after them. "Oh no, we better book it!" They quickly went by the pink power ranger, forgetting about Elvis, and ran down the road.  
  
The girls escaped and moved to a small town in India where mad cow disease is accepted. They are currently working on how to control their head whacking and violent or bizarre behavior. They are also starting a world organization called the WIEITHWAWWFHWWKH, also known as, Where Is Elvis In This Huge World And When We Find Him We Will Kill Him. What will happen next, we do not know. 


End file.
